Random images from my flickr stream...



Solve something, by not trying to solve it !!!

I think closeness between two individuals is not really a function of how many happy moments you share, but in reality, a function of how many times you were sad and you went to the other person to seek solace !!!

Its easy to share happiness, but very tough to share sadness !!! specially when its personal and you are most vulnerable in terms of the state of mind ! For a lot of people one can be the happy go lucky person, however the close few would know the not so happy not so lucky moments as well !!!

Now what is important here is that..

1. You should not try to resolve something that someone is sharing with you !!! More often than not, they just want to get it out of their system (I think I know why a lot of people write anonymous hidden blogs, because the blog would just listen and not really try to resolve; is that a reason why I still love my car like crazy even after 4 years? I guess yes ! because she listens to me !)

2 If you are with the person, make sure that the other person is sitting comfortably, and not on a uncomfortable barista chair, or a awkward bench.... try to go for a walk while you hear that person out...

3 Stay quiet but keep looking at him/her... a gentle pat on the back, or holding the hand will only help the entire situation

4 DO NOT try to be FUNNY... most people cannot appreciate humor when they are sad !!! but will cry very quickly just after they have laughed their ass out !

5 Over a medium like phone... keep acknowledging that you are hearing and please do hear and not just do the hmms every now and then...

6 Over a medium like chat, read what they are writing and do not really try to resolve unless asked for help and the usual pointers when someone needs help are when they ask a question... at this time too, they are probably looking for an assurance and comfort... so give it to them..

7 Play the devils advocate once they are done speaking

8 Get funny when they are tired of speaking

9 If you were walking, see if you could walk them to their favorite ice cream parlor, or drive them to a nice coffee house, or just to a park !

10 If on the phone or chatting, try and send them an email or a e-card which they can see once the conversation is over !!

I am sure we all know how to take care of people who are close to us, however being humans we gotta remind ourselves of what is right and what is not, at times !!!

And most of the time, people know how to resolve their own issues, we just help them by being around while they are making their lives better !!!


  1. kya pointed way, se point solve kia hai Beta, awesome..

    God Bless...
    nice post

  2. That goes to the list of favorite posts.

  3. Really liked the idea of not offering a solution but just listening. Great post.

  4. nice post.... good insight... to a lot of mistakes we do when in a relationship... hope I remember atleast some of them next time...

  5. wow...very insight -full...you are very right when feeling low/vulnerable all one is looking for is validation of one's feelings and acceptance ...nothing does that better than a friend tuned in to you :)

    and a big hug hits the spot every time too....

    now know whose window to knock on next time get wacked on the head by blue ;)

  6. I never thought giving comfort to some one required that kinda deep thinking....
    nice but difficult to comprehend post for me....:-(

    Your slokas did a world of good to me when desparetly seeking results for the efforts put in... some one up there just wants us to wait for the right time...

    धीरे-धीरे रे मना, धीरे सब कुछ होय । माली सींचे सौ घड़ा, ॠतु आए फल होय ॥

    Best Regards,

  7. true.. so true...

    learned these points in the hard way...

    it is easy to share happiness, but to shared the sad and vulnerable moments, it is not easy... love the opening sentences.... makes so much sense.

  8. Philospy!!!!

    kya point to piont!!!

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. A very honest post Prashant. In my view getting the other person away from the situation for a while is by far the best solution. In sad times people often loose their smile, by all our means if we can try and get back the lost smile, its the best we can do as individuals.
    btw do i knw the pic u've used in ths post??
    take care buddy

  11. Yaar tere post bahut lenthy hote ja rahe hain..niche summary likh diya kar.....

    You know I am a busy man

    also phone kar lena mujhe I am not able to dial your number..


  12. its nice to know that people can still be sensitive to other people.
    nice tips prashant :)

  13. :) lovely post this be....covered all things to be kept in mind...

  14. Very Nice post. The most important point you have made here is " you should not try to resolve something that someone is sharing with you because they are just trying to get it out of their system." Most guys take it upon themselves that they need to find a solution or be the solution if a girl shares her problems with them. And if they don't offer a solution they feel as though they are not doing anything to help you, where as the girl on the other hand is just trying to "vent" and needs a listening ear, or a person who she is close with who will keep everything to himself.

    I hope all the guys get it the way you have understood the whole thing.


  15. # Tanu...
    hehehe... solve ho gaya na ab :)

    thanks dearo... and I am so glad that you do some of these without even realizing that you do them !!! glad to have you as a friend !

    # Kanan..

    # Bansal...

    # Aqui..
    good to see you here after a long time !!!
    I feel this post is because of things that I do not like to happen to me when I am having a bad day !!!

    # Jyoti...
    hehehe.. you are most welcome :P I am ok with first aid too :P

    # Ankit...
    Agreed bro, giving comfort does not really need any deep thinking.. but if you think back and recall one of such situations, you would realize that you might or might not have done some of these !!! It happens automatically, i just wrote the obvious down :)

    They are words from the famous Poet Rahim !!!

    # Anoop....
    thanks bro..

    I learned them the hard way too :)

    # Chakoli...
    not really philo, but my personal experiences :)

    # Tunna...
    arre maza aa gaya tujhe yahan dekh kar :) thanks for coming by budds....

    you are right about the smile part... and the picture :) yes !!! who else would know but you and me :)

    getting stuck in the service lane with trucks all around was some experience eh :P

    # Aro...
    galti ho gai bhai maaf kar de !!!

    I will try to call you sometime today !

    # Megha...
    oh yes :) some people are :)

    thanks Megha..

    # Reeta...
    glad you liked it...


    # Vinita...
    yes, probably thats how guys are wired, provide solutions to things !!! but I realise that when I am sharing my sadness with someone, I do not need a solution. I can manage most of the things myself... I am sure most of us can do that too !!!

    I hope guy and girls both realize something :) we all can be a part to these points !

  16. I wish there were more like you around!! :D

  17. Totally agree with your post Everyone's different..so am I..When iam sad ,i cry..i sob and thats how my system is cleaned..so if i take someone's shelter..it surely means iam seeking advice..thats something i need at times..
    and yeah a jadu ki jappi can do wonders at times!!!and yeah even the E-card makes a differnece..

    Thanks for all the advice Prashant..

  18. :) thanks

    jab taak na socho to saab theek chalta hai, socho to lochaa shuru :)

    but this is a good post again :) i have bookmarked it :)

  19. Wonderful post Prashant.
    But sirji, your point # 5 needs one correction. "...that you are hearing and please do hear..."
    Hearing we all do. Listening is what makes all the difference. Hearing is mechanical. An autonomous unconscious act most of the times. It is listening that can make all the difference. Something that most relationships lack. Something where the entire communication fails, leaving it into a one sided talk.

  20. It's easy to share happiness, but very tough to share sadness - couldn't agree more.

    I liked reading this post.

  21. hehe.. some very true points you got there ! :) love the title..

  22. # Sam...
    oh, there are plenty I am sure :)

    # Vaishali...

    and this was not really advice to you :) it was a reminder to me actually :)

    # Tanu...

    # Reema...
    agreed... incorrect word used there...

    # Subbu...
    thats what bro !


    # S...
    :) thanks...

  23. (Thought I'll just pay a visit to your blog.... ;))

    Lovely post Prashanth...and I totally agree :)
    ...you really seem like a warm person :)

  24. Glad you feel that way Shilpa !

    and thanks for the kind words !

  25. few thoughts help me ride thru bad times--
    1. Glass is always half full. there is some learning from everything.
    2. God always has a bigger game plan for u.
    3. bad today means, good is next.

  26. WOW!
    One of the best posts have read in a long time and probably my 'fav' of all the posts I've read so far on Chai ki Dukaan [I'm still digging into the 'old jars' of the tea-stall :)]

    i esp like the point you made about..."you should not try to resolve something that someone is sharing with you because they are just trying to get it out of their system."

    I'm surprised this has come from a man because most men believe that if a woman shares her problems with them, they need to find a solution...and end up giving unsolicited advice. Where as the poor lady on the other hand is just trying to vent and needs someone to a hear her out...a person who she is comfortable with and trusts.

    Why can't more men get this? :)

  27. @ Swati
    well what can I say, but that its unfortunate that you do not know a lot of men who are like this...

    don't be surprised, there is no dearth of such men who are always willing to listen more !!! just that the person on the other end needs to know when they want to be heard as well...

    give them an ear and a shoulder when they need one, and magic happens !!!