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16/01/05

SiMbLy CoMpLiCaTeD !!!

Assuming there are two ppl in a relationship... what happens next.. to start with everything that my partner does looks so beautiful so mine... and then a few days or weeks or months later the same things become a pain... can't understand what i am saying.. here is an example...in the beginning.. when my girlfriend wants to know where i am, what i was doing while i was away... i would say.. wow she is so concerned about me.. she cares and takes interest in what i am doing... cut to three months later date.. and the same questions would start annoying me.. and i might start saying that she is invading my privacy, i do not have any independence in my life... things like this are very common.. but what i am trying to understand is how come two ppl who used to like the same things about each other a few months back now do not want it from each other anymore...
why do i think this happens... i am not sure.. why.. but here is what i think.. to start with our expectation levels are low.. and we are more focussed towards understanding the other person and taking such things as incidents then habits.. and then with time, when things move from a selfless commitment to a relation where its more like a barter system.. where i give for what i get.. things start troubling us.. and we start comparing... and use statements like.. why am i suppposed to compromise all the time.. why do i have to answer all the questions all the time.. and so on.... where is the answer.. is it in another relationship... or some modern age guru would need to take avatar and tell us what needs to be done.. or is it that we all understand what needs to be done.. and we just do not do it !!!!

still thinking....
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thinking still.....
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can't stop thinking...

ok.. switch over to another thought here....

two ppl in a relationship... both of them claiming that they are giving their 100% to the relationship....and still both of them have a feeling of discomfort and discontent about everything... why... is it because my 100% rarely matches with my partner's 100%.... so when i say that i need sometime with her everyday talking to her... then i would get content with say an hour perday.. but because of her schedules or whatever... she can manage to gimme 30 minutes.. which is the best that she could do.. and was obviously her 100% and 50% of my expectation... hua na issue... so basically i have to understand that she cannot do anything better then this.. and may be she needs to understand...that she needs to try a li'il harder then those 30 minutes.. maybe she can actually gimme an hour... who knows...
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real time situations...
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simple solutions
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but even after knowing then do we really take care of them... i guess not.. why... i think because we are selfish.. and think about us before the other person.. but then why shouldn't i... i cannot be the one who gives away all the time...
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i dunno if i am making it look complicated.. or relationships are really that complicated... i guess they are not... just that we need to understand...

17 comments:

  1. There are some things in which u can't be 100% sure...right
    In a relationship what matters is ur faith, understanding and sacrifice 4 the other partner...these are the key to a successful relationship! (I believe)
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    U R absolutely right in saying that 100% of two individual differ, they do differ in fact they are normally nowhere near to each other!
    Source of this confusion is Expectation
    Problems arise when we start expecting!!!
    The habit if expecting has penetrated so deep inside us that… Expectations are so obvious that we don’t even realize that we are expecting a lot…it’s so deep
    I know it’s easier said than done.
    But…
    This is the only solution
    Delete Expectation (hope i make sense)
    ~~ Karma kar aur phal ke desire naah kar ~~
    A

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  2. @ A : Everyword written above makes sense !!!

    Expectations... so very true...things change with our leve of expectations in a relationship... and we do not expect the other person might just realise how important it is to give...
    But then lets think about it for a sec.. what if i do not expect anything out of the relationship... why am i in it to start with? we all get into a relation to actually get something out of it...be it some emotional, spritual or for that matter physical support...but there is always a reason behind getting into it !!!
    So when the base is actually set on an expectation... not clearly and discretely defined.. how can we stop expecting at some point of time?
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    Also one more thing that happens... when we reduce our expectations..(not getting the right words....ummm) ok.. when we are not expecting anything out of a relation.. i feel our own inclination towards contributing towards it decreases... Humans after all... i am not trying to generalise this but i sincerely feel that this is what happens !!!

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  3. Excellent thinking which provokes various kinds of arguments. I agree with anonymous the less u expect the better it is. But then does it happn this way in real life? I remember once somebody saying to me, that the base of every relationship is a "NEED" be it personal or professional. So long there is a need for other person the relationship goes on and as soon as that need dimnishes the relationship comes to an end. So one can try to sustain that need in that other person. And as far as expectations goes i m going to be honest here and based on personal experience they never die no matter how hard u secondly prashant is rite if there is no expectations in a relationship wats the use of it. So all one can try is keep them in a limit neither expect too much nor too little......... hope it makes sense.

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  4. i guess prashant raised some different topic and the comments were posted on some diff thought process, anyways i would like to continue the thought process in the comments

    i wish i had a sensitivity button that could control my sensitivity towards someone. alto i would not never have wanted to be insensitive towards te person am crazy about but atleast i would have savd by myself from the pain...

    ...maybe then the expectations would have lessened and thus the discomfort, raised by the anguish begot by the expectations, obliterated.

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  6. Expectations.. limiting them so that they are not too much.. not too li'il either... attaining that perfect balance... the words are really good to hear.. but then how close do we get to reality when we are talking about relationships.. and how close are we to our words when it comes to putting them into action...

    now that both the ppl who have commented on the post i.e. "A" and "Acqui" have hoped that whatever they have written makes sense. i am also hoping that whatever i have written makes sense.. (Hey btw.. what are the odds of both the comments being from the same person.. i mean.. A and Acqui78 being the same person...)

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  7. it is wrong bud that u concentrate completely on Aqui78's aka "A" ( ;) ) blog ... and completely ignore mine

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  8. timing ki galti hai.. meri nahin.. we both we writing the comment at the same time.. just that you pressed the submit button before me... my comment was for Acqui's comment !!!
    Ab teri baari hai..

    @ Tushar: you are partially right.. I had initially started off thinking about what changes things during the course of a relationship.. which brought me to the golden word "Expectation" and then i started off talking about the level of inclination and commitment and what it makes you give to the relationship.. and is it good enough as compared to what my partner is doing for the relationship !!!

    And do not say Acqui aka "A". We might have two ppl reading the posts !!!! The post fits a lot of ppls' mind after all !!!

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  9. wat if i want to expect but do not want results to be adverse

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  10. then expect and hope (cut want here) that the results are not adverse..
    just a game of words and how well you use'em in your life my dear forni !!!

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  11. tgoel_78: "just a game of words " = ?
    ‘°ºOM™: yes..
    ‘°ºOM™: want hata do
    ‘°ºOM™: hope use karo
    ‘°ºOM™: you do not want things to happen in a relation
    ‘°ºOM™: you hope things happen
    ‘°ºOM™: you do not demand
    ‘°ºOM™: you realise
    tgoel_78: i insist
    ‘°ºOM™: no no
    ‘°ºOM™: you never insist..
    ‘°ºOM™: you can only request

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  12. I agree that a relationship without Expectation would look worthless!!!
    But it’s an illusionary look (It seem to be real in short run)
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    Can u run ur car on 2 wheels? NO, Same is the case with relationship…
    No matter how concerned u r abt it, u just can’t carry it by ur self <
    We can generally classify phases of a relationship in good & hard times.
    Good time is cool! Njoy it and have fun but…
    Hard time is when u can test ur head and actually see what r u doing.
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    I know if I just hang in there by keeping the faith in my partner I can come over hard phase of the relationship
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    Will I be thinking the same way in my hard times? Can’t say
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    Can’t think anymore

    Anyways hope I've not confused the Topic

    ~~ Keep writing ~~

    A

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  13. Hey Ankur, welcome!!!

    you know what i really feel is all of us really know and understand what we have been writing... the concern comes when we have to really implement it in the actual real life.. and then things kinda become different...

    what happens there.. is it really possible to live a relationship like the way we write about it !!! or on paper and in reality things are different.
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    well they were for sure different for me.. even though i knew and understood all these lines...i went through one of the worst phases of my life thanks to a relationship...

    my exp says...easier said then done !!! and i want to know how its done !!!

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  14. i expect myself to not love the girl am in love with, the girl expects the same from me, my friend expects me to get real, my mom expects me not to be lost all the time and start eating more, my younger sis expects me to buy her a pair of expensive shoes, my boss expects me to work 16 hours a day...

    ...with all this can everybody get all what they expect to get?

    ( if not to everbody i expect God to give me all that want :D )

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  15. okies a long comment this is gonna be ..

    @ ankur .. a pleasant surprise to see u at prashant's blog. and yeah a very neat thought process though i have some reservations which i wud comment on later.. keep bloggin.. keep writin. keep discoverin. :)

    @ prashant & others ... hmm expectations . i wont write a rhetoric on how it shud be.. i jus know what it is . its like this .. there are some people i expect a lot from .. these are the ones i believe make up ma life<< but they in actuality dont>> these expectations have actually killed those relationships. i know it . i cant help it..

    second is the category of people i dont expect anythin from. yet they do so much for me. ma parents is ma most obvious example . ma mom so aptly puts it as duniya mein koi kisi ka karz nahi le jaata . sirf maa baap ka hi karz utarna nahi hota .. so very true. i love them from the bottom of ma heart. yet there are no expectations .. none at all

    third is the people who have expectations from me and i dont respond or i am not able to respond sometimes becuz of strutural issues sometimes becuz of the soft onez.. but there;s a mismatch..

    overall.. expectations bound to be there. no way u can live life without them . expectations all around us . but there has to be some real picture..life is like that ... a tapestry of discurses woven of many binary opposites << male-female , progressive-regressive, ordered-chaotic, racist-egalitarian >> the answer is in the gray areas.. and the human who strikes the balance is the one who can walk the thin line between dichotomous situations ..

    oofff
    me philo stupid me ..

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