Random images from my flickr stream...

www.flickr.com

05/06/08

What WE (might) want...

Lives have become so mechanical these days...

Conversations have translated to monologues where one speaks, other listens, and when the monologue is over, the other one is allowed to speak... And if there is no agenda, there are no conversations...

Your expressions are dependent on time-tables and distances...

The amount of talking is a function of how good or bad your day at office was...

The amount of attention you need is in direct proportion to how busy one is...

And more and more...

But that’s not what I really wanted to write about... A few days back one of my friends had asked me, "Prashant, what makes a man feel superior?" Initially I did not get the question, however further discussion revealed that the question was around what a man feel good about and will make him feel better than peers...
We talked about better salary, better communication skills, better skins ( yes ! as per her more and more men are buying fairness creams and other cosmetics these days... she even shared some statistics with me), a nicer looking girlfriend and so on and so forth...

The conversation was over but the thought stayed... After all, what is it that men really want...? Here are a few things that we want... Now this list is basis my interactions with friends, strangers, myself etc etc and is not necessarily a complete list... can never be one anyway... but an honest attempt to write down a few things, that I feel are necessary...
Please agree, disagree, ignore, react, as per you like... (Oh and most of these are what we want from women...)

What Men want?

1. Wear a seat belt when you are at the co-driver seat...
2. Be concerned about safety, but not hyper about it...
3. When you say you love, show it... No, not prove it, but show it... and explicitly, most men don't read hints very well, though they are good at reading between lines...
4. Show confidence in your man...at least once in 3 days... It boosts his willingness to be with you like crazy...
5. Let him speak too... We might not be the best listeners or speakers, but we still like to be heard and talked to...
6. Don't do something just after he complained about you not doing it... You might think you are doing it with genuine feelings, but he, more often than not, would think that you have been forced into it...
7. Don't make I love you, just one of the sentences in your conversations...
8. If he is far away, show concern about his well being but know before the concerns start tilting towards pestering...
9. Hug from behind when he is least expecting it...
10. Let conversations be like conversations, and not like emails... where you write an email, wait for a response and the other one writes back etc etc... Leave office in office and let home and personal life be that way...
11. Send an eCard... (Greetings are great to share... nothing beats a handwritten note... and nothing will EVER beat it either, so if you can send that handwritten note... it WOULD be great)
12. Offer to drive him around one day...
13. When you are in a party, and have too many people to deal with... Once in a while, which can be 1 time in 30 minutes... make eye contact with him... Come and hold his hand or pat him on the shoulder or do something that tells him you are there...
14. Show respect... If you don't have anything that you can respect in your man, too bad!!! You probably made a mistake when you got with him, or this is high time that you do something about it...
15. Don't ask him how the food tastes... if its ok, he would not say anything... If it’s bad, he would still eat... but if its good and he was hungry... He would silently thank God for you being in his life... some of us might even give a compliment :) Actually on second thoughts, most of us would compliment :)
16. Talk to his parents... or someone he is close to... Your comfort level with his close ones increases his comfort and his faith in you a lot...
17. Know how to change a flat tyre... Though he would be ok doing it for you, but you still need to open the boot and hand him one of the tools... Do it together :) You never know changing tyres can be funn too...
18. Buy him his favorite candy at times...
19. Once in a while treat him like a kid... It gets too tiring to be an adult all the time...
20. FLIRT with him....


Will stop here!!! Though there are more that I can think of... but the list would become boring (it might already be)...

I just read this post again... Felt that Men can also do a lot of things that we expect women to do !!! I should take a note :)

One of my friends said to me after she read this - I want a lot of these from my Man too ! I wish her luck :) and am sure she would get all she wants !!!

I guess on a basic level all of us still want the smaller things in life to make ourselves happy, and these smaller things we preach and and still miss out on all the time !!! God bless you and me and everyone and give us enough opportunities to do the smaller nothings in your life for your man or woman !!!

23 comments:

  1. Aha somebody is in the mood of letting the secrets out :-)

    Could not agree more on these especially when it is coming from a man :P

    Btw I guess point 5 is a bit overrated; in a healthy relationship there are always dialogues not monologues !! well atleast IMO.

    The Issue I feel is people find all this very demanding ..especially point 14 and 16. I can not keep high regard no matter how much ever I try for those who can not respect their counterparts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Perfectly written.. We women want the same things, though I'd like to make one tiny addition:-
    Your man guiding you through a crowd with his hand on the small of your back feels great too, they should try doing it once in a while!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. For a moment I forgot that it is about 'What Men Want'.... I guess I would also want almost the same things from my man!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh I really like the point Sam mentioned.
    Of course your post is being widely interpreted more as unisex than as a 'what men want' one. Mast hai! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have a very basic issue with the first part of this post.

    ***the question was around what a man feel good about and will make him feel better than peers...***

    Why would anyone need to feel better than someone else. Why can't we just set our own bar, and work towards getting there? I don't mind looking up to someone else's achievements to get inspiration. But why should there always be a competition? Why can't the question simply be "what would a man feel good about". ok, enuff lecture-baazi about this :)

    Abt the other part...
    The whole list boils down to:

    Respect, cherish, pamper your partner. Give them space while still being there for them. All this combined is love!

    And thank you for number 15! I was still clueless about why the man doesn't say anything unless I ask! This is like brahma-gyaan for me :) Me at peace now!

    12: Yaar, my weekend job is driving him around in my "truck" (he thinks my convertible is a perfect substitute for a truck!)

    17: AAA kis liye hai, bhai? tyre change karna hum dono ko hi nahi aata :) But we do have fun with the tools we have at home, I usually set them up for him.

    18: I keep his office stocked with his fav cookies :)

    19: I don't know about this, man. My colleagues were talking about how their kids behave, and I was too embarrassed to tell them, thats exactly what my husband does! gulp! omji, yeh kabhi badaa hoga ke nahi?

    ReplyDelete
  6. as aneri says its like Brahma Gyaan literally... you guys are at times same 2 same like us... but in a different way...

    for instance, a note or a ecard can also surprise women ! and so does unexpected Hugs...

    Wow.....

    ReplyDelete
  7. hmm.. although u started with saying how a man should try to better than his peer's you blog ended with mostly what Men want in a relationship...

    Since all boils down to that four letter word 'love' and then eventually people let it translate to 'taking for granted' and stop doing things..its true both for men and women !

    but you yourself say.. 'find out how he is doing on a day to day life and all but do not pester him'

    so how much a person expresses is not left to the person who is expressing but how much and at what proportion and frequency you men want!!

    yeh to haad ho gai... :) maat karo to problem, jyada karo to bhi problem !!

    No wonder "what a man wants is so confusing" !!!

    neway bakwaas apart.. a thoughtful post.. but when the actual time comes most of these thoughts never translate to actions :) and people (men + women) don't even realize it !!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow a veru unsual post from you... and would say that I liked it:-)))

    whatever you mentioned in whole post and I think I summarized in one line "surprises"... a hug...a drive... a safety concern... a pat ... being an adult ..an eye contact... being flirt.. its all about doing things which are not done and are surprises if soemone does it:_)))

    isnt??
    liked it very much :-)))

    ReplyDelete
  9. What i need is

    trust
    love
    understanding
    adjustment
    confidence.

    These are some of the big/heavy words thats all over the place. But, if understood well and applied i think you are good.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Interesting post.... I think i m gonna send this link few of my freinds who are dying to know wat on his mind... btw few things i cudnt help saying even at the risk of a long comment...
    3. so love not expressed is as good or as bad as not loving :)…cause expressing could be getting physical…
    4. what if the gal is independent kinds…
    5. if she loves you she will let you speak… under normal circumstances
    6. yeah its was forced :) after all old habits die hard….
    11. I think I come from that old school of thots… hand ritten greetings, cards, letters etc were all so much fun… nothing can equate it…
    13. this point is cute :) pretty appealing….
    14. bulls eye
    15. and did someone tell you gals are sucker for compliments… when you say subtle hints don’t work then if things are good bad or ugly it needs to be said rite …. But I guess we need to adjust and get used to not being vocal abt it :)
    16. what if u are more close to his family than him wud it backfire wud he get jealus…
    17. hey tum yeh bolte huye achche nahi lagte… sorry abt this ariens spoil you rotten… not our fault…
    18. i told you overgrown kids :)
    19. flirt with (just) him….

    ReplyDelete
  11. # Sunshine...
    :) I guess these are the most widely known secrets :) I just put them somewhere for reference :)

    5. There are times when we don't realise that its only us that we are speaking... and now I am going to talk about both Men and Women, looking at how both sexes need most of these things :)

    fair point for 14 and 16...


    # Sam...

    Thanks..

    And thats a lovely addition.... I am going to remember it...


    # Sakshi....
    Hope you get them all :) God Bless !!!


    # Anony...
    yea... even I noticed both the things :)

    great eh !

    # Kashmira...
    There are many why's around things... not all of them can get answered as and when we want them...

    however that question was purely basis an advert that would have used the feeling superior thingie...

    The line is nice...

    Respect, cherish, pamper your partner. Give them space while still being there for them. All this combined is love!

    Even I don't think there is anything called love if its not an amulgamation of many things that you mentioned above...

    15...t hanks :)

    12... awesome you are :)

    17... Indian perspective se bola thaa :) yahan par AAA nahin hai.. and if you just refereed to paid help :) that takes time here, though they will change a tyre...

    18... suppa duppa...

    19... kabhi bada nahin hoga :) something in him will always let him be a kid... and trust me that is IMPORTANT... Guys who don't have the kid in the them are VERY VERY BORING to be with...

    :) God Bless !!!



    @ Neeku

    Yes are all like each other :)

    Like Everyone else and ME as well agree that this is something that everyone can do :)

    @ Tanu
    Tension mat le... God bless :) sab mast hoga... Ek na ek din :)

    Men really can confuse their women... but handled with some care and we are only yours !!!


    Chakoli
    Thanks :)


    God bless...

    # Me
    Hope you get all of it !!! but if you just give someone big words as expectations and not participate in bringing them down to actionables by doing them yourself and together too, they will always remain words that you wanted, without ever getting them the way you'd like!!!

    My personal suggestion...

    Do and make do :)

    God bless !!!


    # Aqui

    Ye boli tu... hehehe.. shabash !!!

    thanks for the looooooong comment and here is what I think too :)

    3. Right... without expression love or any other feeling or emotion is a waste... Getting physical is another form of expression...

    4. Are you telling me that Independent girls do no show confidence in their counterparts or they don't have confidence? Strange and stupid !!!

    5. hehehe.. right... unless you have the right reasons to shut up...

    6. hehhe.. ya..

    11... You bet nothing can...

    13... I saw a very close friend doing it when she was around with her boyfriend... vey nice gesture it was... I still remember that scene... awesome...

    14... thank you

    15... We all need to adjust maadi :) but I know from my conversations that most girls (that I know) don't take compliments very well :)

    16... that he would... Men are born to be jealous... women are born to be more jealous :D can't help it... get that critical balance yourself...

    17... Aries kahan se aa gaye isme? :)

    18. hehehe.. but that is THE best part of them... trust me... that at times makes them love you selflessly and most playfully, while ensuring that they take care of you in the sweetest of ways...

    19... just him yes... after all HE is the man in your life :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Independent gals are self confident to do a task on their own rather than waiting for someone to help them out... uss case mein confidence and no confidence ka question kam hota hai...
    5. bulls eye ;-)
    shall incorporate but koi mile to :)
    15. don’t take compliment very well ????? that’s news can you elaborate
    16. kitna motivating hai :(
    17. do haadse meri life ke…
    18. ask me they cud be like dogs at times.. demanding lot of attention and first priority… but its fun you know the sense of accomplishment that u mean something to someone… cant explain u in words…

    ReplyDelete
  13. # Aqui...
    I am not talking about doing things alone... I am talking about the confidence in the other person for what they are...

    Delegating work and having confidence that they will do it well is not what I am talking about...

    5. :D

    err !!

    15... Some of my friends say that to me... can't elaborate...

    16...truth hai... zaroori nahin hai motivate kare... however it should make you think about how to to get that balance.. it might just work wonders for you...

    17...hahaha...

    18...Ofcourse they could be if you'd like to compare... and why not? they deserve it... Even women deserve a lot of attention and FIRST priority... Anyone complaining about it is a fool... anyone not understanding that there is a reason why you are being asked for attention from, is another fool !!

    ReplyDelete
  14. it is so
    INTERESTING
    EXCELLENT
    and
    VERY ROMANTIC
    to read every bit of this post :D

    and u summed it up so beautifully,all of us want everything and i hope all of us are willing to give everything in return, but it is the small sweet nothings that stand out...
    i agree, totally :)

    oh, i also liked the opening part of this post... about conversation mechanism and it was a good observation :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I absolutely loved reading this post... Could almost visualize and feel these 20 situations flashing in front of me, and trust me, the feelings is just great!

    very Cute post! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. bhai... try to find 19 different girls for yourself :D


    surely a wonderful list and one point i would add is:

    20) If you have something on your mind that is bothering you, then instead of sitting silent please tell your man. Sharing the problem might help you and he will also not feel frustrated/worried about why you are sitting silent

    ReplyDelete
  17. BC

    ab muje ye post dobara padni padegi from what women want perspective

    ReplyDelete
  18. Glad to see that a question triggered off such an interesting post :) Going by the list that you've put up, i'd say i'm an ideal girlfriend :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. # Mayuri...
    thank you very much for the kind words...

    # Amandeep..
    good to see you here after a long time :) and Congratulations on the li'il angel :) God Bless !!!

    # Aseem...
    its always nice when I see your comment :)

    And that point is very valid... :)

    LOL @ 19 different types of girls :)

    # Tushar...
    LOL !!!!

    hehehe...


    # Bhumika...
    well ... the entire credit to you I must say !!!

    and glad to know that you are an one Ideal girlfriend :) God bless your guy !!! he is one heluva lucky bum !!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. LOL @ 19 different girls.
    When I asked one of my friend what kind of girl he is looking for
    he said
    1- she should be beautiful
    2- she should be earning
    3- she should cook well

    only hitch is all 3 of them should not meet each other :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  21. thanks buddy!! :-)
    Have been pretty busy so dropped in here after a very long time... and am glad that i finally did!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. The first point - bang on...and I know why!!! :-))

    The other points...agreed...lekin sab tere jaise nahi hote honge na...:-))

    I liked the tone of this post and I also like the way you express and find ways to express...good.

    ReplyDelete
  23. # Sunshine...
    he he... yea... I have heard that one :)



    # Amandeep...
    no worries... hope to see you around more often :)

    # Mon...

    hehe..

    Mere jaisa to koi ho bhi nahin sakta maidam !!! impossible hai !!!

    Thanks :)

    ReplyDelete