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I M LeArNiNg...mAtuRiTy, Age, WomEn, gOaLs....

Thanks to Neha Issar, one of the very two email friends I have.. i came across a completely different class of the Indian Women.. something that i always knew was around.. but was never fortunate enough to be a friend of one or even know one of those.. but Neha... she literally opened my eyes and introduced me to a new world ( atleast for me) and I can never thank her enough for this....

What follows is a very long email which she wrote.. but every word is worth reading and makes a lot of sense... no point wasting this in my mail box.. its real worth would be when whoever reads this blog reads thru that email... Thanks Neha.. and i am sorry again...

Hi Prashant,
let me start with the first thing that is on my mind right now...ur
discussion or argument or whatever regarding the maturity issue.. While I do agree with you on some points i was taken aback by you thinking
and stating..."if the gals are more mature then why are they not talking
about career and slogging to reach somewhere.. " who told u they are not
talking about careers???? I am surprised in this age you are still able to
make this statement..and I was thinking why is it difficult for my old
relatives and aged aunties and uncles to digest that at 23 i am not thinking
of marriage but ready to commit about 5 years for my PhD!!!!!! I had no idea
people my age also have this notion that an Indian girl does not spend a
pinch of time and effort thinking and worrying about her future in terms of
career!!!!.And believe you me I can not be called and exception because I
know a dozen more girls who are even more ambitious than I am and they are
like good looking girls!!(just to rule out a possible theory that brainy
girls may not have much beauty and so they have to think of careeer coz
they are conventional!!)..See about maturity ..I don kno what can be termed
as a "mature" thought?? It is a relative term I think ...maturity comes with
circumstances and not age...for e.g the eldest child generally is more
mature,responsible...a child who has lost his father when young grows up to
be more responsible and mature earlier in life ...so on and so forth..there
are many such examples that I cite..but then this is also a universally
acknowledged fact that women..girls in general are more mature...coz they
are meant to be so u see...even a male ur age if ever decides to settle down
would essentially look for this quality ..would want the girl to be mature
enough to.. or, shall I say it in your words..." hoping that the girl
understands that job would take priority for sometime..." at the same time
it is ironic that the same indian metropolitan male will not understand when
maybe the woman has to spend time on kids..household..inlaws...other
chores..and the romance fizzles out ..so your average metropolitan male
looks for a mature woman but is not completely sure whether he would be able
to demonstrate the same level of maturity..so maybe thats why women consider
themselves to be more mature than men..afterall they were meant to be so as
i said..to be the wives..who cook..clean..wash....keep inlaws happy..keep
husband happy ..as also the mother who bears and raises kids..worries about
girls marriage ..son’s job/career....etc .etc.. it was so convinient for you
to state or rather assume that women/girls don't slog for a career knowing
somewhere ( i am sure) that u r so wrong..but even if u were right well did
u ever question why men are never even expected to maybe plan the days menu
for lunch ..dinner..decide what dal to cook…worry that children ..husband
will not have clean clothes to wear if she dos’nt wash the big heap of
laundry even on a Sunday..i mean there are so many things an average Indian
male does not even think of thinking that he may have to do if ther were no
mother ..sister..wife to do those !!but u know a women do earn bread at
times..she does file incometax returns….she does drive kids to school…she
does arrange for an electrician..plumber..i mean males today in some
households are not totally indispensable …this is not to say that women
are…they complement..u see but to put it in few words..women ..since they
have to assume multiple roles become exposed to numerous and varied social
/emotional and professional pressures and so they reach a level of maturity
faster..easily..just as if u are exposed to numerous strains of a disease
causing microorganism u develop immunity faster …or just as cockroaches have
been exposed to different poisonous chemicals (diff brands of pest control
sprays etc..) they are now not killed by them any longer ..immune to them…so
they have developed a more "mature" immune system!!!(hehehehe..i am sorry
this was quite weird an example I know)..so its just this factor to a major
extent… circumstances ..and thus in the socio economic set up that we live
in it is quite obvious that the women will be more mature at times....men
may be too..but..

Anyways we can discuss endlessly on this topic I think. quite thought

yaa and regarding where I am. ..well I must say Prashant either u
underestimate ur country too much or the female population of your
country!! There are almost as many women today in India doing research and
science as men…and it is very much possible to hear of a girl in India who’s
done her MS in biotech and going to do PhD ..of course the avenues are not
as developed here yet ..so u may find more prospects abroad but it is just a
matter of time I think..I am very much in India..right now..did my post grad
here only…however am now going to start my research work in Paris..i will
leave for Germany in Feb..for a conference and workshop and subsequently for
Paris..its basically Malaria research..i don kno if u have heard of
EMBL..European Molecular Biology Lab..my PhD will be conferred form there
and I will be based in the Pasteur Institute Paris..this is the same where
Louis Pasteur worked..the person who developed vaccination .first against
rabies...and following whose principle of Pasteurization we all boil the
milk in our houses before refrigerating it!!!!

my reaction.. i do not underestimate my country or the women in my country at all.. but I acted like a toad in the well and did not realise there is more to the world and women then i knew... thanks again for helping me out..


  1. must say that's an eye opener for some people.zilch@http://bane3.rediffblogs.com

  2. for prashant - u proved urself to be a traitor buddy, traitor to the male species, damnnnnit

    for ur friend neha - nice stamina for writing u got neha and all the best of wishes for ur higher studies - do india proud precious; and that was one helluva prejudiced piece of prose, some of it very convincing and some of it sounded that it was infected with the same degree of ignorance with which my dear prashant's earlier statements regarding girls/women in india were.

    for myself - maybe i am trying to hole in my own personal issues which have after all little to do with the actual topic which prashant started. just because i was unhappy about my girl and her career crap(maybe its not crap afterall - courtsey neha), i dont become entitled to think that she should serve me as she would to a person who is unduly affectionate to her, but what my question earlier was and still is, cuz it has held itslef cuz it hasn't go any answers, tat why in the first place did she drag me into a relationship when she knew my prioroties, i think i was much happier earlier when i was only deaperate-about-career instead of now when i am deaperate-about-career-plus-her

  3. hey Tushar..
    on the maturity stuff..
    well i was'nt trying to be a feminist of sorts Tushar ..just wanted Prashant to be less averse to his female counterparts!!!! I guess I got carried away...my high school teacher used to tell me i can never do precie writing!!!! hehe..anyways not that I want to argue but I really wanted to know what portion of the mail u found totally unconvincing and a product of ignorance!!...Neha
    on ur self!!....
    well all I can say is ...why did u let urself be dragged???...Neha

  4. neha - i guess u dint really read my comment dear, i gave the answer to ur question already when i called it "prejudiced" and said "it was infected with the same degree of ignorance..." - now i dont expect a phd student to not able to filter some material out of a comment which (for worse) redirects the student to her own great piece of prose, for sakes. and if you are still not able to get the material out (in which case i wld be sure that u r lying if you said that u indeed are not able to) then just leave a message on my blog. and about prashant being "less averse", he already has his head under gullotine after being branded as a traitor ...lol (ofcourse it is a joke - he is a dear friend).

    me ???? ....i was dragged for obvious reasons, she is as pure as the dew on the grass blade, as composed as an unrippled water in the pond, as beautiful as a fresh rose just unfurled...
    i belong to the male species for sakes, wat other reasons are u expecting??? but wat im trying to know is why did she came into my contact in the first place and then responded to me ...grrr....forget it if my comment regarding my gem doesnt make any sense

  5. Peace Please...
    I wrote what i wrote coz i have seen what i wrote..
    Neha wrote what she wrote coz her thoughts were a result of what she had seen and felt..
    Tushar wrote what he wrote because he has experienced that side of life..

    Add all three and we would be looking at an almost complete picture of our lives !!!