Tareekh : 5-April'05
Jagah : Cafe Coffee Day
Waqt : Raat ke 9:30 Baje
Me and Tushar had dinner outside yesterday... and then we went for a walk in sector-18.... went to the cafe coffee day in Centre Stage Mall and that is where this discussion started... though Tushar did not do much other then nodding his head and agreeing to me for most of the points but still I feel it was a good conversation...
ME : Yaar, I want to get a part-time job in McDonalds. No no.. not really McDonalds but a cafe like Barista or Cafe Coffee Day.
Toosh : Good idea... but then we do not have that kinda coffee bars where you would be respected as a professional and ppl would like to get into conversations with you. Not like what we see in TV serials on Star or Zee Cafe where you have a coffee bar and ppl come there, meet friends, and talk over coffee or muffins or donuts and the owner of the cafe or for that matter someone who works there is also a part of your conversations and your friend list....
*and this is where the talkative devil in me came to life, and I started speaking about what i felt and Toosh kud only say hmm or nod his head*
Me : Very true... I can only stand over the counter and serve.. nothing else... but then there is another thought that comes to my mind... why don't we have new friends being made in such cafes... or for that matter.. how many times do you remember yourself approaching a group or an individual to talk just like that... now, why does that happen.... here is what i feel why that happens :
1) Most guys are looking for women with whom they end up in a dark corner of a street with or in bed with... and not really looking around for friends...
2) Most women know that they are being looked at and approached only to be treated as sex objects.. and definitely do not like to be approached by strangers...
3) The genuine guys also get treated as some road side onlookers who are only looking around for girlfriends.
4) I have not seen a gal ever approaching a guy, probably because she will be treated as a despo or something...
*This is where I stopped*
*afterthoughts*
This is something that happens or does not happen out on the streets, in the malls, in the cafes, in restaurants... as Tushar said rightly that we have so much fear of rejection in our minds that we do not even smile when we have an eye contact with ppl while walking driving... we carry our expressionless face just perfectly during all those moments which otherwise would help us break the ice !!!
I feel that once we start feeling that what we do not have to start off with any relationship whether short or long term thinking that we have to achieve something out of it.. but take it as something that carries on.. something that does not endup in bed or in a car... something that is for your mind and for yourself as a person...
There are a lot of things that I am thinking at the same time right now.. from why don't we have good thought provoking conversations to making new friends and new places to why don't we approch people without the fear of being rejected....and i think i have mixed up some of the many thoughts that came to me...
might be continued...
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@ Aqui : Hota hai I know... Nai hona chahiye... Maana a lot of guys would think that way... but you might just miss out on the nicer ones who could be good friends only because of this apprehension in your mind... I am not asking you to go ahead and stand in front of every guy you like and start talking to him.. but if your gut feel says you should.. i think you should...
ReplyDeletethe sad part is that the things wont change
ReplyDelete@ Burf : Why would things not change. Why can't we smile when we have an eye contact with someone. I am trying.. do you want to try with me?
ReplyDelete@ Red : Though provoking to hai...thanks to blogging all the things that once used to be part of my mind are now a part of this page too...
very well said, I wont take it as a relationship. Look i seriously a relationship has to be started with a end in mind. Relationship is not one time talk....this is different, just a one time talk. so please dont treat it like that.
ReplyDeletenow coming back to the topic, As u said prash that the fear of rejection is most common thing attributed to our inhibition in talking to some stranger and u made all the right points when u say abt despo act of guys and gals. Thats how the common thinking among our people is.....even after being so ahead in so many fields, We Indians have somehow not adjusted to a idea of a just offhand talk with someone in the cafe. Its kind of imbibed in us cuz of the societal factors mostly. We are among the most image conscious people in the world. We care for others think of us, inspite of the fact that they dont matter in our life at all. talking to barista in cafe, we r chavunists. kitne log barista ya bartenders ko waiter se kam nahi samajhte. for them its one and the same thing.....
But if see it in other scenario, the cafe culture has just set in indian cities, arnd 3-4 yrs or so. there also we generally land up with our friends. can u think, how many times u have ventured all along to CCD or barista. I hardly do that, may be arnd 4-5 times in last 4 yrs or so.
Though situation is not that bad also, people do network or create relationship in the buses, local trains. travel sometime in Mumbai locals and u will come to know why people r so peculiar abt only 5:33 local when there is another one due in 5 mins only. Not cuz of 5 min delay but cuz of the rships they have formed in coaches, chartered buses or lunch deli corner.......
So the situation is not that bad also......
i agree with deepak. people do make relationships in india in trains, buses etc. but they are not usually formed at the first meeting itself...it takes a lot of encounters and then one day one person hooks up the courage n asks 'aap kahan kaam karte hain' or 'where do u live' n then they start talking...n prashant, if i smile at a guy who's smilinng at me, 99% of the time he wud or his friends wud thinks that i want him to approch in a certain manner...which wont be true...dat is why girls dont really respond very well to strangers...
ReplyDeletei remember...a guy was sitting beside me in a bus n i was reading a book..he very politely asked me' what r u reading' n i still remember how rude i was when i said 'how does it matter to u?'...poor guy...but i cudnt have possibly talked to him...maybe just because of the preconceived notion dat people who approach strangers this way have only one thing on their mind...
well, all i can say is dat till the time people who treat females as mere sex objects wud exist...tab tak kuch nahi ho sakta...females wont be comfortable talking to strangers..
@Deepak I will have to write about what you wrote para by para... To start with, I do not really agree when you say relationships have end points.. relationships are not discrete they are continous.. they do not reach any end points.. they carry on.. unless you breakup or something.. however i agree with you when you say that what i was talking about is just a one time talk !!!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with what you wrote in your last para.. we making relationships in buses, in trains and otherwise too... probably the situation is not that bad.. unfortunatly I still see ppl not being open to taking that first step towards smiling at a stranger when I am walking in the market... I still see females thinking that I had a motive in mind when I stepped back and let them go through the door.... I still see ppl completely ignoring that there are only humans around.. and when you smile you get them back... the worst part i that i notice this with the ppl of age group 18-27 only.. dunno why I did not include the ones at 17 years.. or included the ones at 27.. but this is the youth which is doing this.. or i should say not doing this !!!!
I want to be confident and optimistic about where we are going as ppl.. but things around do not encourage me much you C.... my good luck that I am meeting and interacting with ppl who share these opinions and are making a difference with the small thoughts and the steps we take to improve ourselves and ppl around.. knowingly or unknowingly !!!!
@ Bharti : Thanks for dropping by Bharti... You are right about what guys would probably think when you smile back at them... This is something that should change... we have to treat these smiles from ppl as smiles from ppl and not from a male or a female... The way you reacted in the bus is something which is expected out of anyone and everyone... Can this change? actually no... you are right.. till guys treat gals as sex objects nothing is gonna change... Hoping things would be better with time....
p.s. next time a guy asks you what book you are reading.. please do not be rude to him... atleast in your first sentence... prabably a second thought on your reaction would help !!!
ek chota sa incident yaad aagaya mereko.. lemme share that... I was coming back from IHE South Ex. after their fest.. us din dilli mein buses ki strike thi... i was at lajpat nagar waiting for a bus.. where i saw this gal who also stayed in noida.. i had seen her a few times in the same bus i used to take to go to NOIDA. now because I was also worried about how to reach home.. i asked her if she was standing there for long... she said yes.. and fortunately tabhi bus bhi aa gayi... she was eating something and asked me if i mind she eating it !!! i said "no no, an apple a day keeps a doctor away" and she replied... "i am eating a guava." hehehehe.. i was too embarassed to say anything for the next 15 minutes.. but after that 35 minute ride back home.. i had a good conversation with sunita sharma, and we were in good talking terms till we were in college... uske baad uski naukari.. mera masters... kabhi kabhi baat hoti thi... the last i know she was working for a company called RS components and controls.. and is about to get married !!! God bless her :)
the sad part is that the things still wont change
ReplyDelete@ Toosh : Things would not change.. will you change to start with.. maybe the next time u smile at someone.. (s)he would smile back.. and taking that further.. that person would smile to a third person..who would inturn share a smile with a fourth one...
ReplyDeleteChalne do aise hi.. Kahin se Shuru to karo !!!!