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06/10/06

(SH) iT HaPpEnS...

After an evening of passionate making out, Aviral went to drop Nisha back to her PG.... both of them had always enjoyed being together, but for the last few occasions the talks had taken a back seat... infact both of them were now avoiding talking thinking that it might rather would lead to only arguments... but still they loved each other a li'il too much to stay away... maybe....

But this silence was for sure not comforting or making things better... so one of them had to speak up... Nisha did...

"I am not really happy these days..."

*Shit I have to drive back 30 kms and she had to pick up this time to talk...*"Why what happened?"

"Oh C'mon... don't tell me that you do not know what is happening. Things have changed between us Aviral, they are not the same anymore... we do not talk much... the conversations have dried down... there is no excitement in your voice when I call, which happens most of the time... and you are telling me that you do not know what is happening?"

"I did not mean that, I am not prepared to get into a discussion right now..."

"Then when Aviral, we have been avoiding to talk about it for a long time now..."

"Umm... sometime later... but not today"...*I should not be doing this, this really needs a talk...* "Can we talk later please?"

"Suit yourself, but I do not think that later is going to come soon.... Let’s discuss it and get it over with"

"What do you mean get it over with? Nisha, what are you thinking?"

"I am thinking that it’s better to call everything off and live our lives, if communication is not happening...What do you think?"

*This is getting worse now...* "Look things are not that bad to tell you the truth... But it looks like we do not have that kinda chemistry anymore... Something is missing, I can't understand what... but something is. I do not feel the need to call you anymore. Not that I do not want to talk, but then whenever I pick up the phone, there is nothing to talk about... I have started looking for a reason to talk to you, and in absence of these reasons, I do not have any words to share with you..."

"I know all this Aviral, but the question is: What should be done to take care of this? Are we drifting apart to never get together again?"

"May be.... I gotta go right now. Let’s talk later."


And the good night hug, which was more like a formality.... and the day, is over... has something of this sort happened with you ever? I guess it has... it happened with me not in its entirety though...

But then what do you do with relationships that loose the sizzle after a while... this "after a while" can be a week, a month, a year or whatever... but i think a phase like this always comes in a relationship...

What would you have done if you were Nisha or Aviral?

28 comments:

  1. Keeping with the tradition of the space I ought to shout...ME FIRST!!!

    As far as answering that question....I think I would have given the space the relationship needs. Habbit needs to be broken...God knows I wish this never happens to me!

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  2. two options - either the relationship loses its sizzle and you both are ready to move on. or it loses it's sizzle but u want to get it back and fall in love again. you choose. if you can't salvage it, i would say move on...but with lots of tears and heartbreak.

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  3. Yes it does happen to ppl n I am not exception but for me this prob have diff solution cos I handle prob in different way ...


    If I were Nisha ..I will never ask Aviral wats happeing ..cos the rel aviral n Nisha sharing is based on chemitry ..and If that doesn exist then there is no point of asking the person who don even bother about dying relation ...

    Relation exist ..IFF ppl respect each other ,care about each other and most importantly think about each other ..calling ,communication are important but wat is more important is feeling ..urge to care about the other person ..

    I think Nisha should keep distance from Aviral n let him go where he wanna go ... u cant hold anyone ...

    But on a practical note ..Its always very painful to move out of any rel ..but sometime u have to ..may or may not be for urself but yes for the person u care ..

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  4. Hunt for a new chick, what else?

    :O
    I mean, Why is it so important to stick to someone when you know 'something is missing'? The fact remains that one of these or anyone in any case gets bored and they want a new person to share the same old stuff. That's all. I know it's tough to move on and jazz, but when you find the next person to hang out with, it's all cool. Everyone gets a new life.
    What do you say?

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  5. Err, I have some thoughts :D

    I think this guy is confused. And I want to abuse. I'll try not to :D

    Probably all that he wants is physical pleasure and the girl is way involved emotionally. The guy just has a liking may be. Poor girl. Sheesh. And when she expresses there's no conservation, he safely says "I have started looking for a reason to talk to you.."
    Oh, and even adds that "..sizzle is lost.."
    Ha! Loser!

    I mean, what sort of a guy would say he still 'loves' but has to 'look for reasons to talk'.. The girl's got to be nuts to still see him. (The last time something similar happened to one of my friends, she fucked the guy's happiness and dumped him. I was SO proud of her.)

    Really, this guy needs to get a life. Get a grip of his desires and stop playing around with the girl's feelings. Even the girl. Hold on to your self respect, will you?!

    In such cases, no one should even consider listening to the guy's reasons (guy here, it could even be a girl).

    (I know you'll say I don't know details and I'm writing whatever.. Possibly because one of my friends has been had something similar way back in school, I wrote these two comments. Sorry if they sound rude and judgemental.)

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  6. ...has had something similar*

    Sheesh...typo. Ugh.

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  7. Aha. Another typo there. Grr.

    ...there's no conversation*

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  8. dont worry... it happens !
    i think, the sizzle is still very much there, or they wouldnt still be making out so passionately...
    but, i also think, a relation cannot survive on a strong physical-chemistry alone. some comfort level is also required in any relation and (to answer aviral's Qs) its what may be missing out here. and thats why either or both of them are afraid of taking their relationship to a more committed and comfortable level, thats why their relation seems to loose its spark.
    and if the silence is not comforting in a relationship, a forced conversation is useless in such cases. communication is important when u r building a relation. but commuication is not primarily important when u reach a certain comfort level with ur partner.

    and if we sense the things changing between us,from bad to worse; its wise to accept it and then, just move on gracefully.

    and if i were nisha i'd hv guts to tell aviral that he is simply confused. he must choose either to sort out the matter by talking or move away. and whatever he chooses to do, he must do so quickly. i see no point deferring 'the talk' to a later point of time.then too, things would still be the very same. so, the talk is bound to happen either now or never.

    and frankly, i see no point carrying on with a relation if it doesnt dwell upon a mutual comfort level... in our words as well as in our silent moments together.

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  9. If i was Nisha, i'd step back after saying all this. It's Aviral's turn to say something(if at all he wants to and wants to keep the relationship going).
    she cannot read his mind. and if the love is there, it needs to be expressed at times.

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  10. perhaps aviral has alreday picked up another girl for himself and he is merely being an escapist trying to avoid things and causing undeserved pain to nisha!!
    and if that's the case, then he should have the balls to confront nisha and tell her what he feels..if it's taking him so long to tell her the facts, that means he knows he's been unfair to nisha! and aviral should try to be as less manipulative as possible in his approach!!

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  11. we may term the missing part as COMMUNICATION GAP...

    no communication is a show stopper and if one partner wants to talk about something... then the other should be ready to listen...

    key to a successful relationship...

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  12. I know all the girls who would read this would shout out unmentionable abuses to me for what I am going to write. But why is everybody blaming the guy? Even men!!!!!

    Whew. I don't blame one person alone. Why is it only Aviral's fault? How many men have been in a relationship and after a while simply ran out of words? Nearly all the men I know are not into too much of a talk!!! A woman is also responsible for keeping the thing going? A man needs to be a man and a woman needs to be a woman. They are different and would always be. You talk about self respecting woman? What is she doing? Shouting at a man that he is not talking would not get anything to talk to him about. What about her? Is she listening to him? A man bears a woman talking about how she wants him to tell her how she is looking, what fashion is in and so much more...did she ever try to talk about his friends? About what is happening in office? about how cool the girl in that green dress looks...

    Man...I am sorry. Was expecting men to take a stand in the battle of sexes. If a woman wants to be treated with respect...Stop begging and start acting girl...It's a two way road...the reason you have a relationship is because you agreed to be with the other person.

    I guess I have enough women shouting...what a B**** but hey...you want something...Go get it girl. Who's stopping you? Hang out with your girl friends...they can talk!!! MEn like cricket...let him be and he would be a prince charming forever...Let him first win his battle before he surrenders himself to you!

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  13. havent been thrgh it....so cant tell.....

    but i go wtih kanu and i can see nowhere in ur writeup that its a guy fault.........

    if am neha : give space, lets not talk for few weeks and see do we feel same for each other.......a rship goes thrgh up and down and sometimes the chemistry is not always there.......u need to then take a break for sometime....

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  14. @Kanu

    I agree! Actually, I think I should've written that both of them should get a life. Because I am not blaming the guy alone. Both need to get a grip of their thoughts. And the girl, specially, her self respect!

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  15. # kanu...

    Space... hmm... interesting...

    # soo...

    i would not have suggested anyone of these two to move on with the relationship... i think relationships should be in black and white...

    # chitra...
    caring does not make a difference if it is not shared... and if you do not ask, you will never know... for some reason, I totally disagree with your way of thinking about relationships..

    # subbu..
    wo kaun?

    # Rohit...
    hmm..

    # mayuri...
    who do you think is worried here? i did not get why you had to start off with those two words... anyway lets read on...

    i think communication is important in a relationship, to start it and to keep it alive... and its a primary need too... so i guess, I disagree with you too here...

    aviral sure looks confused to me too, i think they should just get a life both ofthem... and away from each other...

    # richa..
    hmm... true..

    # anony...
    perhaps... yes... but if he double timing, he is NOT doing the right thing...

    # kanu...
    hmm... hmmm... hmmm...

    # deepak...
    i never said its the girls fault either dude !!! i did not try to reach a conclusion basis this story... read it again !!!

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  16. @prashant
    u took me wrong...i didnt mean it was coming from ur story......
    infact i meant otherwise.......

    as i said i went with kanu's point that its not necessary its guys fault ......i guess she was trying tto contradict wat other people mentioned here :)

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  17. @ rohit

    well glad you didn't take offence...

    Prashant...hmmmmm....????

    @ deeps

    Glad you agree.

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  18. oh... my first too words 'dont worry' came as a general response to the title of ur post which says '(sh)it happnens'... didnt point out at someone in particular.

    communication is vital to any relationship. i too believe in that. but what i meant to say in my previous comment was that communication bit is not the only primary(= as in first) thing when u r actually into a relation (comfort in communicating things and understanding the commuicated part are also equally important) ; though communication per se remains a primary(= as in basic, essential) thing to keep a relationship going. we seem to hv interpreted the term 'primary' in different ways, hence the disagreement. :)

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  19. @ deepak...
    ah...

    # kanu...
    yes.. hmm... i liked what you wrote, however was not sure on how to write my response...

    # rohit...
    yes... thinking, reading...

    # mayuri...
    i am not sure how you differentiate between 1. communitation, 2. Comfort in communicating things, 3. understanding the communicated part...

    All these three for me have always been a part of the word "communication". i still feel that communication is the most important (=primary) part of any relationship, between any two people in this world...

    disagreement is good, coz that leads to communication as well :)

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  20. :) what an interesting thing to say !

    now, since u asked, i will explain my point a bit more -
    for me:
    1. starting off a communication is something on the part of the presenter (say, me);
    2. comfort in communicating things is a mutual thing (between the parties involved in the commuication process); and
    3. understanding the communicated things lies on the part of the receiver (say, people whom i communicate things to)
    of course, the roles of the presenter and the recipient r inter-changing as communication is about a two-way exchange of things. and all these things r of course parts of the communication process.

    see, i dont really disagree with all what u hv said by so far, its just that i m thinking differently :D

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  21. @ mayuri...

    I still do not think there is any point in dividing the term "communication" like this... communication is communication, its like a reaction and if one of the elements does not work the way it should, the result is not what you wanted...

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  22. i only read soo's and kid's and anony's comments:-

    soo's - i cudn't understand

    kid's - bingo

    anony - somehow seems angry

    now my comment:-

    maiyewe salle :D

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  23. IF you love someone set him free......

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  24. well relatioships last as long as you want them to. there is a delicate equilibrium that is reached when two people love each other passionately. then reality sets in and something disturbs the equilibrium... i wud say it's a full time job, maintaining a relationship. do it as honestly and proactively as you would do a job that brings you good money.

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  25. i was hoping for some mature and realistic comments, but cud not find any. I am assuming there are no ulterior motives in this communication..like aviral wanting to move out has another affair etc etc...

    I think its just the time when they need to engage in things together, not just making out and usual markets. Maybe something new. Some shopping, or a long drive. some pics, something to change the mood. Problem is khaali dimaag shaitaan ka ghar hota hai,,so indulge in stuff.

    There are always ups and downs and if something makes them consider the option of splitting, i wud say the relationship is not worth it, or they dont understand its worth. Its like u have to convince urself that suicide is not the solution or an option to the problems.

    This is a just a passage of time,,a low sine wave.. high one will follow :-)

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  26. @ aqui..
    true..

    # Moonchild...
    delicate equilibrium... right...
    i would agree to the rest of the comment too..

    # ankur..
    i cannot agree with you more on the "engage in other things together"... i think once you are in a relationship most of the conversations and meetings suddenly get inclined towards the two people involved.. and then individual life and what you like to do otherwise is lost somewhere...

    i have been in a relationship where both of us continued to be the best of friends while enjoying our relationship together... and a regular innovation in the bonding kept us together..

    and i have been in a relationship where it was only a relationship and not friendship.. and it was one of the most screwed up times of my life...

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