I had an interesting discussion with a friend yesterday...
she would be getting married pretty soon.. and said that she was "conditioning herself to love the person she is going to get married to".Somehow i felt that is not how things are going to work for me... i do not think i need to make myself love the person i am getting married to... it would happen.. with time ofcourse... there is not need to work hard towards it at all...
what i feel would be the key to any successful relationship would be respect for the other person as a person... if i can respect the other person... i think i will hear what (s)he has to say... also try and understand it... and from there move towards things like compromise, trust, not to forget love, affection and all those...instead of telling a person that i love her i rather tell her that i respect her for what she is.. and what she is not... and let things and feelings take their time to develop....
i have not been able to write all what i had in mind... i guess i am short of words here....
rightmore might write more !!!!
@ Aqui : For that matter everything comes after marriage.. be it love be it respect... you probably feel that you will be comfortable compromising with ppl you love.. and i feel that i would be more comfortable with a person who i respect... making a compromise, going out of the way to do li'il things... being loyal... i would probably do for something who i look up to in someway or the way...
ReplyDeleteand the past of ppl would do a lot of good and bad in making me get that respect thingie for the person in front of me...
i have learnt it late... actually very late.. and at a point of no return.. but trust me... its easy to identify ppl who you would look upto as persons, as professionals, as human beings.. then ppl who you would love.... as whatever....
about gals faking respect... i am not sure.. i do not think you can really fake this thing !!!! love yes you can this i do not think so.. unless you are one real smart double faced person !!!
@ Aqui : It might be synonymous at times.. but fear of rejection by the person who you lookup to...
ReplyDeleteabout parents... don't you love them too? or is it just respect and not love.. or only love and not respect... i do not think you can actually choose between the two...
at times one means more then the other.. and vice versa... for me.. my experiences have told me that I would be very willing to spend my life with someone who i look upto.. who i feel has something more then me and i can learn from her... who i feel has achieved something that i would have loved to.. and she being with me will give me the feeling of getting what i wanted.. myself or thru my partner....
and this my friend is what will make me "LOVE" her !!!
and about love starting with "pretence" (i do not know the meaning of this word...I am assuming it means fake or not true or something like that) how can you build a relationship which starts with false notes.... guys or gals.. whoever say they love before they realise if they really do or not... i think are not doing the right thing !!!
i think i agree with u here prashant..one needs to respect the other person in a relationship...
ReplyDeleten by observing the arrange marriages of the generations above me, i have realized that this respect is the basis of a long n happy relationship...if u respect ur partner, u wud definately fall in love over the time, u wud look upto what they r, n u wud respect them for that n then love them for that...
I agree with you. You should not have to condition yourself to love someone but love who they are, even their little diosyncracies. Respect and trust are the number one and two things that should be in a relationship.
ReplyDelete@ bharti : I agree... and thanks for the support... hope the tension has reduced these days... achche se mehnat karo tum....
ReplyDelete@ Leann : Thanks for dropping by and for your comments... its so hard for us at times to appreciate the complete package that we get with a person... and we want to change the person for our own good.... or our comfort... human nature... rare are the ppl who can accept a person the way (s)he is... and the ones who are.. are the happiest of the lot....
about respect and trust.. cannot agree with you more on this :)
i guess tolerance is more important...dunno how much...but no matter how much u respect the person, if u cant tolerate his/her habit of nose-picking...the relationship is doomed for a toss
ReplyDelete:D
@ Burf : Valid point... Lemme put the things important for a good relationship here... things that i learnt thru this post
ReplyDeleteRespect;
Trust;
Tolerance;
Love......
and so on... i am sure these four things probably would not suffice... there is more to a good relationship then these four... but then.. not bad for a start if you have them at least !!!
@ acqui : And that one point would be... lets know your one point from you :) if that is an addition to the above mentioned.. great...
ReplyDelete