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29/03/06

SiMpLy CoMpLiCaTeD...

alice....
has written about what she is feeling this days in her relationship...

she loves her boyfriend...

he loves her too..

and still there is some emptyness around...

she feels happy alone.. she thinks he is too good to her... and so on an so forth... you might like to read what she has written.. just make sure that you do not aggrevate the pain she is going thru...

her post reminded me of the painful times i went through when i was in a relationship... i certainly am more happy without a relationship today as compared to what i suffered...

this march end it would be 2 years that i broke up.. yes i feel that at times there should be someone for me to hear me out.. someone who can give a shoulder to rest.. someone who would just be around...

but all these feelings are so temprary in nature that i have even stopped bothering... and is that killing something inside me as a person.. am i loosing out on my emotional ratios... am i over with the passion in my life... would i never be able to love anyone ever again...

i guess not... i am still a very emotional ass... i still can cry when i do not get what i want... i still have the same passion for a lot of things... ican still love.. but a women in my life... maybe i am not really want it... coz i am afraid...

because i am afraid that things change..
because i am afraid that i loose my space...
because then i will have to think before i speak...
because then i will not be myself anymore... there would not be any i or you there would be a we "there was a time when i used to love this line, however today this like brutally murders my individuality, which i hate to even think about"

and a lot of other "because" lines...

but then does that mean someone who is in a relationship should get out of it only because there are a few things that do not seem right...

if i judge it from a very practicle point of view, i would suggest moving out... not to look around for one more person.. just move out of the concept called a relationship.. live your life.. and if you still feel that the person stays very very important for you and worth leaving that independence go back to him her and pray that (s)he is around...
but is that really possible... you have to and you should snap off relationships actually... you can continue streching things as long as u can.. b in a lot of pain yourself.. and let the other person keep wondering too.. but thats not being fair...

so what was i thinking when i read what alice wrote.. what should she be doing...
i think she is in a situation where she loved to eat sweets and had a li'il too much of it... something that we feel when diwali is just over... no more sweets please feeling... i guess the only option as someone has very very rightly mentioned in the comments on her post... give space... and also go ahead with your life.. if you still need him.. come back... and i will add to it... pray he is still around..

but alice girl.. go live your life for a while... lets yourself loose... know yourself better yourself... just be alice or whatever your name is... and then see where you reach... come back if you feel like... or carry on if you are happy... you will always have someone or the other to take care of you.. in a friend, in a lover, in a boyfriend, in a stranger, in a parent, or in GOD !!!

24 comments:

  1. i m praying and will keep praying that he is still around if i need him...

    and i guess being "Alice" is what's my problem.....

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  2. and i m sorry if i brought back some bad memories...u knwo i desperately want someone to hold me and take me away to some distant land...i want someone to hold me and tell me that everything wd be alright...i desperately wana cry...or just sit at home and spend time with mom...watch TV....but i have to carry on with this stupid monotonous schedule...

    i desperatley wana hold him and tell him i m sorry...and wish that we can still be good ...

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  3. @ alice...
    how can being yourself be a problem... and trust me if you are found important enough, a lot of ppl would give you a second chance...
    and i guess you need to give them too... but at the end, its your call...

    i can put in words.. but its a very choking feeling at times when you are in a relationship... i possibly cannot put it in words.. but your post reminded me of what i used to feel...

    ugh !!!

    god bless... chill !!! find other things and activities that keep you happy... do not only look around for stuff that keeps you occupied...

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  4. I think everyone's an emotional ass. Isn't it? Just that many can pretend well that they're chilled out and want to stay out of emotional stuff.

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  5. @ alice...

    its ok... having those bad memories does make me feel bad anymore... i can handle it today...

    being held is a need that we all go through everyday in our lives... and this is when the need of companionship suddenly is so high.. and then when we are normal.. we suddenly want to be an individual again...

    this is a phase... give it time... it will pass...

    and trust me things would be alright... you need to be patient.. and let it go for a while... tushar bolta hai.. let it flow... i will remember these words forever... just let it flow.. whatever you feel should come out... in front of someone or the other... through some medium or the other... just do not build this mess up inside you... you will kill yourself this way...

    go treat yourself alone !!! take an evening walk outside... take an extra chilled coke and have it all alone sitting on the terrace... this weekend go and do something that you've always been thinking about but could not do for some reason or the other...

    there is so much to think about !!!

    i hope things become alright for you two soon... God bless...

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  6. @ rohit...

    you bet... most of us can chill out when we are with outsiders.. but there is something inside us that would never let us lie to ourself.. and the day u are at ease with yourself, you are there !!! THERE !!!

    God bless you dude.. hope u are fine these days !!!

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  7. You got it!

    Reaching that 'THERE' stage is tough though, when you don't have anyone around.. you know what I mean.. You can't reach there all by yourself.

    And when you do, like I did, some people want you back, away from 'that' stage. Ha!

    I'm younger and I've no clue if I can.. But.. God bless you too!

    Anyways. Hope you're keeping well.

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  8. extra chilled coke sounds fun, so does a walk, and sitting on my tearrace....and u r right there's toooooo much to think abt...

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  9. i wud be wrong person to comment on this right now......maybe some other time but not now.....
    god bless u alice and every1 else...

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  10. I agree with u buddy.. All of us are sentimental asses...who crack down at some point of time.. Havent read alice's post yet but after reading whats written here cd get a feel of wat happened...

    After reading your post all i can say is Deja Vu

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  11. # rohit...
    i know its tough.... i never said you can reachthere all by yourself.. but what makes you think that an affair or a relationship is the only thing that can take you "THERE"...

    you have loads of ppl around who would be standing next to you and be more then happy in being there for you all the time.. you just to realise their presence...

    and age for sure is not a measure of know this or not... i know ppl who still do not realise it and are older then me... anyway..

    i am well yes...

    # alice...
    i am sure it does...

    so when you have things that would keep you just fine while you are thinking about them or doing them... why can't you just do these things and be happy for a while, on your way to finding out about yourself...

    # deeps...
    i don't anyone would be the wrong person to comment on this kinda situation.. we all have been either through such times or know ppl who have been facing such situations... and i am sure we all have our ways to face and get out of the mess thoughts create...

    i would have liked to read what you think.. but your call... maybe sometime later...

    # apy...
    yea... we all crack down...
    :)

    Take care... keep visiting...

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  12. i wanted to write so many things abt this but i m at loss of wrds now ...

    may be somday i wil be able to express my self ..
    n i think alice is a strong girl coz atleast she know wat exactly she wnt n she is honest abt her feeling ..

    n i m agree wid prashant also that we shd express ourself but somehw someppl don hav that much courage to express themsels..

    hope that everything gonna be fine wid u guys ..:)

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  13. u need to chill as well........ everything happns for the best no harm in believing that

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  14. @ chitra...
    you will be able to express someday for sure...

    and yes alice looks like a strong girl to me too.. she would be just fine...

    # aqui...
    i do chill... and yes, everything happens for good !!!

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  15. I never meant that, though! I'm glad someone agrees with me here. :D

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  16. Currently...no time for love. And yes, in a way, thank god for that...life does become complicated when one is in love. Which is not to say that it isn't a whole lot of fun either!

    I remember this conversation I had with a friend a few months ago. He had just got a new job so we were out partying and celebrating his success. Sometime during the conversation, we started talking about how in spite of being reasonably intelligent and nice people, neither of us was, not only not in love, but not in a relationship either. I was lamenting more than him...more so on the lines that it's still easy to fall in love but why the hell is it so difficult to stay in love? We thought of some possible reasons and then were back to cribbing about where was the "love of our life"?! And then he said something that made so much sense. "Saya, when you want something really bad, you will work towards it. And your life will itself make sure that you get it. Your current priority is not a man...it is something entirely different. When it becomes falling in love, it will happen. Because you will make it happen. And that's how everyone's life works coz deep down we always know what we want."

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  17. at times i also feel i am suffocating myself. that's when i feel i was fine the way i was.

    but there are a lot of joys associated with being with someone as well.

    so i guess it has its pros and cons.

    if this is how u feel then it's all cool. i'm sure in future u'll find someone for whom u might feel that way coz u might feel a sense of security in the relationship and u dont have to fear change.

    and even if not, i dont think it is necessary for the cliched form of love to exist to make relationships work. it's all about 'feeling good'. and there are a lot of ways of doing that.

    right?

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  18. wat i meant was i am not in the right frame of mind at that time to comment on her situation.......

    @alice
    u mite face the same situation with ur next bf also.....u never know.....and making a rship intresting is a joint effort......u shud seek that especially when u have found someone who loves u so much.....if u guys want u can make ur rship exciting, mysterious, diff....all upon both of u......

    all the best....may god help u in taking right decision

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  19. u r a sweetheart..thanks....
    i've decided to hold on to it(my relationship) ...and see where it goes...

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  20. @ 10e....
    life becomes complicated.... yes for sure... because then you have that additional responsibility of one more person... one more mind... one more heart...

    this friend of yours has said very profound words... very nice...

    # richa...
    everything has its proz and cons... depends on what has a longer list of entries in it...

    it for sure is not love that makes relationships work... its a lot of things together... lots of them...


    # alice...
    very very good...

    # deep...
    tu dilli aa tera frame to mind theek yahan karte hain...

    # alice again...
    God bless you... i hope things are just fine with you... and you have a lot of fun and happiness with every day !!! Life is good :)

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