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19/07/05

GeTTiNg OuT oF iT !!!

I have a friend... =>i am sure you also have a lot of them...

she is in love( no not with me.. i am a pure third party here.. not involved in the mess)...=>i am sure you friends also love someone or the other...

the guy she loves does not reciprocate... =>i am sure you know what that feels like...

the guy she loves is a very good friend... takes care of her.. likes to talk to her... spend time with her.. but when she confessed her love to him he told her that he could not love her... ( could not... what does that mean)... and that he was feeling guilty for not being able to reciprocate and that he just could not think of a relationship for sometime..( very valid points...) he wants to think about his career at this time ( he should do that... its important).. and that he could not get married for the next 4 years ( ok.. so that timeline is set too!!) => i am sure this sounds like something you have heard or seen or witnessed or felt sometime or the other...

now coming to the issue we have been discussing for the past couple of days... she wants to get out of the feeling of love for him.. but is not able to... i asked her what is she doing to get away from the feeling.. here is what she told me..
prashant, i think about not messaging him.. but i end up SMSing...
prashant, i think about not talking to him.. but i end up TALKing...
prashant, i think about not thinking about what he did.. why he did...but i end up THINKing...

my response... my dear, every sentence that you said ends with a verb related to him only... so invariably you are doing what you are running away from... and to really avoid this... start thinking about things which end up differently... like...
i think about reading books...
i think about watching TV...
i think about walking...
i think about learning guitar...

i feel that none of these things are related to anyone outside her ownself.. its about her... and would stay about her...

why do ppl get so irrational when they think they love someone... ( include me here, the prashant about 1.5 years back... madly hooked to a girl, used to be like this...) I will talk about this sometime later... things which we do in love... and how concern becomes pestering... how questions become lack of privacy and independence...

getting back to what i started the post with....do you think i gave her the right opinion.... why do u think someone would not like the person who likes him or her.. and if (s)he does not.. then what can the other person do... after being rejected !!!

25 comments:

  1. Can relate to a lot of stuff...but a crush of mine (who i felt for very strongly...wait probably feel for) explained it to me very clearly...Do u have to love everyone who loves you...

    And then I thought if I start loving everyone who loves me...to to problem ho jayegi...

    So dont worry...and please dont stop loving someone just because (s)he doesnot love you. If the reciprocation of feelings was a precondition it was never really love...it was an agreement save the legal signature

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  2. Oops i forget to write about whether u gave her the right opinion...well u did awesome... 10/10...i mean the best way to get out of these situations is to think about other beautiful things in life...go for a very early morning walk...help out a person in need...sorry if that sounds like preaching but it really helps...

    Besides fill up your free time...more the free time more u end up thinking about him/her. Join some evening classes if u have to, fill the void...

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  3. Hi Aro here, as usual no username

    U did a bad job actually, asking sombody to forget

    my advise :

    keep on talking thinking about this guy, after sometime you will completely get bored and hookup with somebody else.. and best thing is you will never have a bad feeling :)

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  4. @ B Agreed.. u should not really stop loving the person you think you love just because (s)he does not reciprocate... but then my question here would be.. how to take on with the friendship ( which by the way, did not turn into a relationship ) after you are rejected... its just not possible to carry on.. and if you carry on with the feeling of love for the person.. it might just become more difficult...

    about filling that void.. really... that is the best thing to do.. i guess..

    @ Aro : you are too smart :) i would ask you the same question.. how easy or difficult would it be for her to carry on with her friendship, 1- coz she feels that she was rejected, and 2- the guy still talks about feeling guilty of not loving her, and 3- when u know its hard to get to friendship.. once you start thinking about a relationship...

    waise Aro.. on second thoughts.. getting bored of the person is a good thought.. after all.. even once you are in an affair. you eventually end up being bored of the other person... or in rare cases get married and then get bored.... or in rarest of rare cases... get married and live happily... ever after ( well not really sure :) )

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  5. Sounds as if someone has ritten my biography.... the suggestions u gave were all very valid suggestions but the point here is do we end up following them at the end of the day. If i know the situation well even while watching television or probably doing something else u still end up thinking abt that person. so i donno abt the rest, but for me these three pointers have worked out: - A) try and develope a strong will power, B) try doing something which makes u hate that person for a while ( i know highly impossible) but a momentary hatered works till u get over that person and return to being normal freinds C) find a substitute to him a person who is able to cater to your emotional quotient and C) last but not the least time is the best healer. Ofcourse get your self so engrossed in work that u dont even have time to breath, infact work is the best substitute.

    I agree with b as well that reciprocation of a feeling is never a precondition for falling in love. But then we are human and however hard we try we do end up expecting things from the other person and living on a false hope that someday he will reciprocate those feelings.

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  6. @ Aqui : Very nicely written... infact i read it a couple of times.. and liked it more everytime i read it...

    and did you say hate the person... umm... thoda sa strange hai ye... first you like the person.. then you love the person.. then you hate the person... then you become normal friends again... how can you suddenly hate someone you are in love with.. and then how can you be friends with someone you hate... who are we trying to fool here.. ourself or the person who is the subject in the entire episode?

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  7. Actually yes u cant truely hate that person whome u love madly. But at time frustrations do lead to bitter feelings when ur feelings are not reciprocated as in "i do so much for him and still he is so blindfolded, why cant he understand". But these are again momentary, the trick here lies is we need to condition our thinking that he is never gonna reciprocate and he is never gonna see how much ever we do. Cause thats a part of parcel of "being good freinds". So we again come back to square one let time do the trick and follow the other pointers.

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  8. actually you need to take a break if u really want to sustain that freindship and dont want to loose that person as a good freind. For that u might have to be out of contact so that u get time to get over it and heal urself.

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  9. I like this.. Take a Break .. and if both of the ppl value the friendship they will get back together.. after that break.. and if one of them does not.. then they probably never get back as good friends.... hmm... cewl... or may be one of them still tries to get back.. those calls every week.. change to calls every month... and then to that occasional call.. once in a yellow moon... and then never... and your friend who you once loved... and then hated... becomes just one number in your cell phone.. and then eventually you delete that number...

    i hope this does not happen with ppl i know and care for...

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  10. all said & done,getting rejection is the hardest of feelings and no amount of distarction and solace helps.it will remain a half closed wound...red

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  11. @ Red : Reminds me of the line... Dil ko behlaane ke liye Ghalib Khyaal Achcha hai ... we can lie to everyone but how to fake ourself in front of ourself...

    @ Aqui : So what do you do about it?

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  12. I will tell you the best way to deal with it...this has helped be quite a few times...

    Instead of saying shayad tum hamari kismat mein nahi say to yourself...hum tumhari kismat mein nahi...no kidding man. Feed your sub-consious mind with stuff like this.

    Think of the time the person hurt you (however small)...try and think of reasons which you hated about him/her...things that could go wrong between you two...things like why the relationship wouldnot have survived...

    Thats it...practise the power of spoken words. Some time hence you would start to believe the guy/gal was not for u...or rather u were not for him/her.

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  13. the unfortunate yet amazing fact Mr.b remains that if the strategy u said had worked as efficiently as you have said no one would have ever had a heartbreak....whatever the above 13 comments have said,no doubt each has said correctly and wisely but sorryt o burst everybody's bubble,if u are hurt u will remain so untill u find another object (not meant in derogatory way) to bestow ur affections on.....i say ,if u feel its love,damnit but make the other person realise it instead of sitting around reading posts like these (not meant to say that it wasnt a good post anyhow!!!) give ur best shot,be practical yet allow urself some insanity in love...aise hi nahin kaha jaata hai...everything is fair in love and war..as long as u can feel u r not really hurting the other person by making him/her realise the worth of ur love..go ahead do what ur heart says...if there is anyone who needs to take a break its ur mind and wordly thinking!! let the heart rule..even if u lose tomorrow u wont feel u did not try hard enough....aise yaa waise ..agar dard likha hai kismat mein toh milega hi...jab tak try karoge tab tak some hope will kepp u happy and u deserve to give urself this happiness....best of luck to all...cheers

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  14. wow (ARO again) so many comments LOVE is a hot topic

    Simple funda people

    if you love someone, hard you try u just cannot get over ot in one day or week. it takes time.

    infact the problem with us is that we like to make a simple life as complicated as possible for example lets take a look at this girl ::::

    1. If she had continued to meet this guy without proposing him, all would have been good and in the next 4 years one of the three things would have happened(read the bored section)


    2.this guy should have kept his mouth shut and mind working and kept her in a limbo for the next 4 years and one of the three things would have happened (Please read the bored section again)

    As for the rejection part of it, sorry guys not much of a feeler actually, and I can't afford to with a face like mine uh oh no way..

    jokes apart, I think we are taking the situation too seriously, let the life flow on, things eventually fall in place..
    Trust me on this I have been a burden on this planet from a long time :)

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  15. basically the gist of all this is that u cant really do anything abt it. Time is the best healer as i said.

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  18. well i believe the best way to forget someone is to have another crush :) .....i have seen it cures the old love sickness like anything......have another crush and u will gradually take that person out of ur mind....rest of the things work only in copybooks ......
    baki kal chennai jakar padh ke post karoonga.....

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  19. Looks like... starting to like someone else is the best way out... So go ahead girls and guys... like someone.. and if (s)he does not reciprocate... like someone else... and continue liking ppl... this way we might just make the world a better place to live in ;)

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  20. how i wish it wasnt easier said than done. How long can u just keep switching from one person to another and keep getting rejected. Afterall rejection is not any easy emotion to face. At some point of time i think u just become saturated and it seems u cannot like anyone now.

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  21. this is something that i would not agree to... actually the best time to start liking someone else is when you are feeling dejected.. one small emotional support can work wonders and you can like the person who stood by you there... and then you might just try to move to a replacement crush before you are rejected... hehehe.... like everyone around... and love the one who loves you back....

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  22. ya one small emotional support from someone. Then u become emotionally dependent on that person and get hooked to him till you find that all this was out of sheer platonic freindship and you shudnt be expecting more out of it. So you are again back to square one, so keep subsituting one person to another till u are saturated. :))))))

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  23. so agree with you prashant like everyone around but love only the person who reciprocates it. But then u dont even come to know when your liking for someone developes into a strong liking and later on love. You dont intentionally fall in love it just happns, its not preplanned.

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  24. so much for love in this world... ppl have been trying to figure out how it works for ages.. and we are trying to reach a conclusion in one smallie post of mine :)

    does not work out this way... as far as i think... till u like someone its ok... the moment u think you are in love.. the thinking goes haywire.. you become as irrational as irrational can be.... lot of ppl around might not agree.. but i feel that way....

    about intentionaly falling in love, u are right.. this cannot be planned... only that you have to be sure of yourself.. and not let yourself go ahead with the flow of extreme emotions that come as a result of your strong liking towards someone...

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